yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
