i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
