just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
