So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
