Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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