As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
