Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
