So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
