You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize