Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
