it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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