But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
