You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
