Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
