so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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