You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
