wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
