There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
