So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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