Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
