Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
