Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
