I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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