they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
