That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize