We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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