I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is the high leading the old right now
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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