But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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