Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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