So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
