Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Use "feeling words"
Yay
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
