she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
