just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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