you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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