im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
