I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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