i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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