I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
