whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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