I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
