We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
