the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He passed out mid-signature
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
