I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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