she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
