You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
