I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
