You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
