He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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