Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
last night I used snow as a chaser
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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