my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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