Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin

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(201): View more from New Jersey

i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.

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(406): View more from Montana

That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day

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