I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
