I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
