i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
