Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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