Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
being pregnant is like rehab
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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