Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Randomize