I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
