Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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