WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
