I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
