is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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