it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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