How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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