I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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