I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
