Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
