I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
